Up Chic Creek

Thanksgiving Day Nightmare

2005-11-25T17:35:00.000-08:00

Where to start?

The night before Thanksgiving, I was boiling eggs to make devilled eggs, and the damn things wouldn't peel at all. it looked like shrapnel had hit my eggs, and they were all torn to shreds, and I didn't even have ONE SINGLE EGG that made the cut that I would be proud to serve to someone else. In a fit of I-Hate-cooking-for-other-people rage, I smooshed them all between my bare fingers, in the palm of my hands, right in the pan. Nothing like some smooshed up eggs with the shell and everything to put yer night into perspective. My DH thought I had snapped and I was about to go psycho. I think I had everything but the twitch totally mastered that night.

So I decided that we wouldn't be having devilled eggs for Thanksgiving dinner. And I warned my DH that the stupid eggs were probably just a prelude of the things to come. Somehow I knew it was an omen. *cues crappy 'Danger-is-cursed' music* Little did I know.

I got up at 9am the next morning (Thanksgiving) to find that my 20 pound Butterball Turkey was still frozen. Even though the damn thing had been in my fridge a week, it was still ice coated and rock hard. Soooo, I had to run cold water over it until it was thawed. No biggie, right? It's okay... just a small setback.

While I was rinsing the turkey off I noticed that the damn thing still had quills in it, and I had to pluck the damn thing in three places. This was a BUTTERBALL!! Supposed to be the best in the crop. Best I guess if you like to pluck yer bird before you eat it.

Three boxes of stuffing later, and about half an hour late, I had the bird in the oven at 10:30am. I called my SIL to tell her that it was only in 30 mins late, totally not my fault it wasn't plucked or thawed, and we should still be on schedule for everything ;)

We waited

and waited

and waited....

My MIL's husband calls me sometime around noon I think to remind me that since I have the turkey, I would also have the drippings (DUH) and he wants to know if I know how to make gravy. Now... I wouldn't be totally insulted, but this is coming from the man who married a woman who makes her gravy sans drippings and with bullion cubes and soup starter flakes instead. "Of course I am making the gravy. I told Amy I would." He doesn't seem very confident, but I know how to make gravy... and I do a damn good job at it... I wasn't gonna put up with crap from a man who I really didn't like in the first place. I told him I would bring gravy when I brought the turkey, and then I hung up the phone.

I was basting it every 30 mins, and it was starting to smell delicious by around 2pm. I was beginning to feel so confident that this was gonna be the most delicious turkey I had ever eaten.

My SIL calls at 2pm and wants to know how everything is going, and if the turkey is almost done. I assure her it should be done soon, as my whole house is filled with the aromatic goodness that a 20 pound turkey should provide.... it had to be close. She lets me know that she will be putting the potatoes on around 3pm then, so that we can all still eat at 4pm as scheduled. She assured me even if we were running a little behind schedule it would be okay, we didn't HAVE to eat right at 4pm.

I basted at 2:30pm and 3pm, and she calls again. Checking on the turkey. I was beginning to become slightly agitated as I told her we weren't gonna be there til about 4pm anyway, and I didn't know why she had to keep calling about the turkey. Anyway, I tell her it should be fine to start the potatoes, and if we were a little later than 4pm, it should all still be okay. She seemed fine with that, and then let me go.

During all of this phonetag and turkey basting, my disposable roaster (which I will never buy again) rips a hole in the bottom and about half of my precious drippings dripped right into the bottom of my oven. WONDERFUL. When I realized this, I pulled the turkey out as fast as I could and tried to salvage the rest of the drippings for gravy. I didn't want them giving me shit cuz I made crappy gravy cuz I didn't have any drippings.

At 330pm, I cut open the thigh, and I noticed the juices were still running pink, so I told my DH that I was gonna put it in for another 30 mins, as I didn't wanna eat undercooked pink turkey. He totally understood, and we went about our business.

They called again.

"What's the news on the turkey?"

"It's still running a bit pink, so she's putting it back in the oven for 30 more minutes," Says my DH to whoever was on the other end. I just sighed loudly. I could tell the people on the other end of the phone were getting agitated, cuz he was like "well, we really can't make it cook any faster, and she says it's not done yet." He talks for a bit longer, and then he hangs up the phone.

I am kinda annoyed by now... cuz they have called all day long about a turkey we said wouldn't even be there until about 4pm.

4pm rolls around, I pull the turkey out, and I cut open the other thigh. It's only a little bit pink, but it wasn't totally clear, so I told my DH I didn't know what to do? He says don't worry about it, just put it back in for 30 mins and everything would be fine. I knew it was so close to being done by the color of the juice, but I just wanted to make sure no one got sick. That would be great. I would be the woman who fed her in-laws the pink turkey that made them puke the rest of the night. I KNOW I would never live that down.

I had already made the gravy, which had left a lot to be desired since I had like NO Flavor in it. I had to make the little amount of drippings I actually salvaged last thru 9 people who would wanna drown everything on their plate in gravy.

The phone rings... AGAIN. Bet you can't guess who this is? I can tell you it WAS NOT Ed McMahon calling to tell me I won a million dollars.

Whoever is on the phone is bitching at my DH, and by now I am getting vocally pissed off, and I am swearing while I am stirring the gravy. A bunch of impatient asses. He tells them he doesn't know what to do, it's not done, and he doesn't wanna bring a pink turkey. They inform us that his mom and her husband have to leave town early, so they really need to eat NOW, and don't know why the turkey is taking so long. I was getting really pissed off. They hang up.

My DH and I start arguing over why they can't be patient, and why didn't anyone tell US that they had to go to work early and leave town early. The whole day my SIL had told me it would be okay if dinner was a little late, it didn't matter-- it was Thanksgiving afterall. I was so frustrated, as this wasn't my fault, and it was all falling in my lap that *I* was gonna be the one to ruin Thanksgiving.

They call back at 4:15

AGAIN!

By now, I am freaking pissed as hell and decided I would just take a pink turkey over there cuz they were so impatient and couldn't wait. They could eat undercooked turkey to their hearts content, but I wasn't gonna be responsible if they got sick from it.

And then they tell my DH the unthinkable.

It doesn't matter that the turkey isn't done, cuz they already ate. So don't worry about it anymore.

ALREADY ATE?!?!?!

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I spent all freaking day stressed out and cooking for people I didn't even wanna cook for, making a turkey I babied all day long to make sure it would turn out wonderfully delicious for the people I didn't wanna cook for in the first place... and then the freaking ungrateful bastards impatiently eat Chicken and Noodles for Thanksgiving Dinner before half the dinner guests have arrived?!?!

I promptly started SCREAMING in the background at whoever was on the phone. I couldn't believe they insulted me like that, acting like the food I was cooking wasn't even worth the wait for.

I plated that stupid turkey up, but not before I dropped a stoneware plate on the floor just so it could slice the crap outta my foot 2 seconds after it hit the linoleum. It hurt like hell, but I was soley motivated my hate now, and I ddin't even care. I couldn't take time to bandage my foot... my Inlaws needed their food NOW. I put the gravy in a damn bowl, and told my DH they would be welcome to eat the food I slaved over all day for, but I would be DAMNED if I was eating pink turkey just to get sick from it. I was gonna drop it all off to them, and then I would promptly be coming home, because I wasn't about to sit with someone so ungrateful for the food I just cooked all day.

He was trying to diffuse the situation by trying to reason with whoever was on the other line. I had headed for the truck with Lexie in tow, and I put the gravy down and buckled her in. I came back in the house to grab the turkey and remind him for people who are so freaking impatient to eat they sure were wasting a lot of time on the phone with him. I told him he had 5 mins to get in the truck, or I would be leaving without him. I grabbed the turkey and headed outside.

I was sitting in the drivers seat adjusting everything for my short body, figuring out how I was gonna balance the turkey and the gravy, all while driving for 15 mins., when my DH came to the drivers side door.

I barked at him, "What are you doing. Get in the damn truck. They need to eat now!!"

He says, "Baby, come back inside. We will put the bird back in the oven, and we will just have dinner by ourselves. I told them all to go to hell, and that we weren't coming over."

I started crying.

How dare they ruin my Thanksgiving. And at the same time, How blessed am I to have such a wonderful husband. I could have married him all over again right there. It wouldn't have even matter that I had turkey juice all over my hands when he slipped on the ring again.

We took the food back inside, and he told me everything that was said on the phone while we made potatoes and rolls, and heated up corn.

We then ate a peaceful, non stressful dinner BY OURSELVES. I think I even managed a smile.

and you know what? It was WONDERFULLY DELICIOUS... even if the gravy did suck.

I told a friend online, that occasionaly ya have to have really crappy Thanksgivings so that you can ultimately appreciate the good ones even more.

Beware the Turkey Gods...

2005-11-23T11:46:00.000-08:00

It's been a madhouse around here. Between drawing for Doodles, and drawing for Daydreams, my son who got beat up (bless his heart-- he's fine BTW ;) ), and then everything we have to do for Thanksgiving.... things have me kinda running this way and that LOL!!

I was put in charge of roasting the turkeythis year. Now, normally I would be like "no sweat," but this year, I am sweating like a stuck pig.

See, a few years ago, we went to my MIL's house for Thanksgiving. I was told I needed to "bring stuffing." Since they would need the stuffing for the bird, I just grabbed two boxes of Stove Top, and headed on my merry way. We drove down to her house, and I walk in with my boxes in tow.

NOT COOKED??!!

She looks at me like I am crazy. "Why isn't it cooked?" she asked me. I said, "Well, I thought you would need it to stuff the turkey."

Again, she looks at me like I am CRAZY!

"I don't stuff my turkey, I never have."

BLASPHEMY! PURE BLASPHEMY!!

"Ummm, well that's the only way I know how to make a turkey is to stuff it. I really wish you woulda clarified HOW you wanted the stuffing... because I thought we would prepare it here so it could be fresh to stuff the turkey with."

I get this death glare like no other. To me, stuffing the turkey always added flavor, and it flavored the stuffing. It makes sure both won't be dry. They are sympatico. They go hand in hand. It's like having a wedding without inviting the groom. You can't NOT stuff the turkey.

Okay, I am sure for all of you "non-stuffers" out there yer looking at me like "yes you can, I do it all of the time." Well, she was also looking at me with those same eyes.

"Well, my turkey is always moist, and never dry... and I HAVE NEVER STUFFED the turkey."

We dropped it. And I prepared the stuffing there. All was well. Stuffing was all dandy. I had made good on my end ;)

So time comes to carve the turkey, and everything looks so delicious. It smells wonderful, and I just can't wait to scarf down a whole plate of Tryptophan and Potatoes. YUM!!! Smelled DELICIOUS.

"See, I told you.... my turkey always turns out WONDERFUL. And all with NO STUFFING."

I just rolled my eyes and took a bite.

*cough, cough*

I knew I didn't put tree bark on my plate, so I looked down to make sure that's not what I put in my mouth.

Hmmm, no tree bark on my plate... but whatever was in my mouth sure had the consistency of treebark. I shoveled a bunch of mashed taters and gravy in really quick so I could swallow the bite without choking to death on it.

Then, I did what everyone else does when the turkey tastes like ASS... I reached for the gravy, and SMOTHERED my poor turkey in GRAVY!

And so did everyone else.

She looked right at me, "well, I think you cursed the turkey talking about how it should be stuffed and stuff... cuz I have never ever had a dry turkey in all my days of Thanksgivings. NEVER."

*I* Cursed *her* Turkey????

I think the Turkey Gods did it personally. Maybe next time she will stuff the bird ;)

Anyway, so this brings me full circle to the beginning of my story. *I* am in charge of the turkey this year. And for the last three years or so... maybe four... My DH has been talking smack to her (and anyone else he can think of) about how delicious *my* turkey is, and how it's never ever been dry like hers was. So, now... I hope the Turkey Gods shine down on me... cuz I HAVE TO HAVE A DELICIOUSLY JUICY TURKEY.... Or I will NEVER NEVER NEVER live it down.

My Poor Little Ian

2005-11-20T21:32:00.000-08:00

My eye has been bothering me lately... and I think I have some vertigo thing going on, and I don't know how to fix it... so bare with me if I am kinda scattered. It's been hard to stay concentrrated and focused.

I talked to Rion today and I found out that while in his care, my little boy got beat up today. I just wanted to go over and pick Ian up right then and there, but I didn't. For all of you out there who might know how Rion has been in the past, NO he wasn't the one who beat him up... it was two neighbor kids upstairs.

Ian was over at the neighbor's house with her two sons and they were playing up there, and for some unknown reason, both the boys just took it upon themselves to beat the crap outta my son... all while the mom sat there and ignored the whole thing. She didn't even get her lazy crackwhore ass off the couch to save my son, and I know he had to have been crying. Ian finally broke loose from the two boys, and ran out the front door and back to his dad's house.

Rion said the boys left knuckle marks all over Ian's body, and it was very apparent they had punched Ian in the jaw. He said he had a couple cuts, and would probably be bruised up pretty good tomorrow. I feel so bad for him. He's my little boy. He's my Ian.

I know "boys will be boys" but what the fuck is wrong with this woman that she would let two older boys beat the crap outta another little boy in her care? I have heard horrible stories that the whole building my sister and my ex live in are all drunks or addicts. I personally know the landlord and he's not above that I am sure. I grew up with him, and the day I turned 18 he asked me out on a date and tried to kiss me. He's utterly repulsive, so it doesn't surprise me he would rent to people of the same demeanor. So this dumb bitch didn't even care enough to get her ass off the couch and save my little boy. Rion said he went up there to yell at her, but it didn't seem to matter to her ... I am glad I wasn't there... I would have probably done a lot more than yell. I can't stand tweakers. GAWD!! I am totally livid about this whole thing.

I told Rion he needed to call the cops and file a report. I think he's still on probation for the last time he hit my son, and I told him he needed to cover his ass and call in the report so that *I* didn't have to deal with CPS when the school called them tomorrow cuz my son is all beat up. I am the custodial parent, and I didn't feel like being accused (yet again) for child abuse. The last time this happened, even though Rion had admitted it to the CPS worker, and the Cops, and me, they still investigated BOTH PARTIES, to make sure that *I* wasn't abusing Ian as well. It made me sick to my stomach. The marks he left on Ian's face were there for EIGHT DAYS. It makes me ill to even THINK that someone thinks I might be capable of doing that to my kids. I know it's just their job, but really... I don't ever wanna go thru that again.

I just can't wait til Ian gets home from school tomorrow... cuz I can't wait to hug him.

Riding The Couch...

2005-11-17T10:53:00.000-08:00

Last night I was going to the bathroom, and all of the sudden I heard a loud "thump" on the wall in the room next to me. (it's directly beside our bed). Directly after the thump, Lexie starts WAILING!!

I ran into the bedroom, and Lexie is on our bed screaming bloody murder, and the first thing outta my mouth was:

What did you do to her?

My DH FLIES Off the handle... "All I did was take my pillow from her. There was another one underneath it, I didn't think it would be a problem..."

I didn't even say anything at all after that, and he freaks out on me and makes it sound like *I* am the bad guy (note: I wasn't even IN the bedroom when she started crying) and that I always accuse him of hurting them when really he didn't do anything (another note: my kids are wankers most times, and they cry on the drop of a hat if it means that their sisters or brother--or even sometimes my DH-- might get in trouble for it)....

So, all in about 35 seconds tim, he's decided he's sleeping on the couch. He grabbed his precious fan (good riddance- the thing makes me cold and sick), his blanket and pillow, and he went in the living room.

I didn't even do anything.

Lexie was still crying, so I scooped her up and held her. I tried to coax him back to the bedroom, but that just wasn't happening... so I cuddled with Boo instead.

So much for our "third of the month."

I just feel like he's wasting time. Any other day he woulda been happy to sleep with me. But on a night that it's important... he's sleeping on the couch.

Whatever.

Happy Bday Dangers Doodles

2005-11-16T01:16:00.000-08:00

A little over a year ago I would have laughed at the notion of opening up my own members area. I barely knew HTML... I didn't really draw my own graphics, just used other people's outlines. But thanks to my girlies (you know who you are) who kept telling me to shut up about my stuff not being good enough, and who gave me the confidence to believe in myself... I am here now. My members area is a year old today. I can't believe it.

When I opened up I told my DH that all I wanted to do was cover the cable bill each month. I would be happy with that. Little did I know how big my site would grow, and how many ways I would branch off. I love pixelling. Who'da thunk it?

oh yeah, here's a pic I promised. Don't mind my shiny face.... someone took off with my pressed powder. I will give ya four guesses, and they are all under 5 ft. tall. Turkeys.

It's cold and there's snow on the ground now. I am going to my warm waterbed to put my colder than cold feet all over my DH who will be toasty warm. I am sure he will love that HA HA HA!!

One of Those Days...

2005-11-15T00:25:00.000-08:00

Ever had one of those days when ya wished ya didn't wake up?

Well, I had one of those today, except I am kinda glad I woke up cuz I was having this weird dream that my DH was getting framed for murdering this guy even though we saw this other chick do it... just cuz my DH has facial piercings, and moderately long hair... but anyway...

I guess a more accurate statement was "I wish I wouldn't have went to the computer"

Gawd, I tell ya. I mean, I know... get 500 women together, and yer bound to have drama. But today it was everywhere I turned. Sometimes it makes ya wish you had a bitchslap key on your keyboard... so you can really tell people what's up.

*sigh*

Anyway, I got to see Crusty today. FINALLY. I am glad he came in town. He's a great guy, and it's nice to hang out with him. I am too tired to PSP and crop pics tonight, so maybe I will post a pic of us tomorrow.

He didn't hit town until 10:30pm, and we didn't get out until after 11pm... but it was a good time. Cheap crappy food. And the Fuzzy Navel they brought me at the bar WAS PINK. But it was nice company. We have only got to see each other in person twice.... it's nice to hear the voice behind the keyboard.

I think if all of these drama hounding snots who can't mind their own business might actually hear the voice behind the keyboard every now and again it might actually stop a lot of the incessant drama in the CGC. But, then again...... maybe not.

I got this in my inbox tonight. Was an order from Manda at SKOM. Gawd I wish I had like an ounce of her talent. This is why I wanted to pixel. When I grow up I wanna be Manda LOL!! If you haven't already been to her site GO!! NOW!! Cuz she rocks!! */end spam*

Hugs to you all,

Brass Monkey, That Funky Monkey

2005-11-10T23:39:00.000-08:00

So maybe it wasn't a Monkey, it was an Orangutan, and Maybe it wasn't Brass, it was Bronze, but it was still cute :) LOL!!

OMG I have been SWAMPED!!! I have been working with Doodles on a raffle for MY FIRST BDAY there and with Daydreams for some new stuff, and I am also opening another site up. I switched my hosting over to my sissie, Bug's Hosting... she is absolutely incredible... and I think she's probably one of my best friends LOL!! *waves at Buggie* She asked her to partner up with her at TLCWS... and I told her I would ;) So... not only am I gonna open up this other site LOL!! But I am gonna try to work with TLCWS as well LOL!! Naw... I am not a glutton for punishment, I like it when I don't get any sleep LOL!!

Well, between all that stuff, I actually found time to go to the zoo again. It's a long drive there, but I felt so bad for Maddie not being able to go last time that I talked my DH into taking us one more time before it got too cold. I can't believe it's the middle of November and yet we still haven't had a bunch of snow. I am not complaining, but it just seems really weird.

Anyway, Today we went to the zoo and actually checked out a bunch of stuff we NEVER EVER get to see... and actually saw parts of the zoo I didn't even know were there. Like this amazing garden (I would love to see it when it's in full bloom with all of the birds out there-- they have cockatoos running round in there when it's warm). Inside this garden were all of these wonderful brass sculpted animals. The kids had a blast climbing up on them and posing for some incredibly cute pics. Here's a couple:

THIS IS MY FAVORITE ONE

and this is another one, on the way to the garden... just off in it's own little corner of the zoo :) Fun little Hippo for the kids to pose on. I can't believe I got this immensely lucky and all those little monkeys smiled for me all at the same time in the same place :)

Anyway, not only did they site for some ultra cute pics... but we got to see some animals we had no idea ever existed. For example-- The Cassowary:

And also, we got to see a ton of BIG CATS ;) I think the guy said they are temporarily housing 10 Big Cats from the New Orleans Zoo (Displaced due to Katrina)

And we all know... I love to tweak pics and make them purdy. So here's a before and after of this super cute tiger kitten we had here. I dunno if this is one of the displaced kitties (I think it is), but damn, he's cute none the less:

I can't believe I just learned how to do that tonight... but I am totally digging that new tool LOL!! It's funny how you have a program for years, and you still learn new things all of the time. I probably woulda figured that out sooner had I actually been pokin around ;) I might write another tut on them. Erika said I should write a bunch of tuts on making pics pretty LOL!! I might have to take her advice LOL!!

This was at the end of the zoo. One of my fav pics of the whole day

MY PRIDE ON THEIR PRIDE

Seems we visited all of the non-living animals at the zoo today. Doesn't matter though, the kids had a blast.

Dinner Debacle

2005-11-07T16:00:00.000-08:00

I am trying desperately to get everyone caught up on the happenings in my life... but I swear there are only so many hours in a day LOL!!

So, the 5th was our anniversary. I asked my ex TWO WEEKS in advance to arrange for different daycare, and that I had plans, and couldn't watch the kids when he had to work. I am sure you know where this is going, huh? So, I call him on the 4th, and I say, "Did you call your mom yet?" and he of course replies back with "For what?" I remind him that it's my anniversary on the 5th, and can he please get someone else to watch them. Called him back 3 hours later... still hadn't made an effort to call her. Needless to say, I went to plan B.

I called a friend of mine to see if she could watch Lexie for us THAT NIGHT (the 4th) because I knew dumbass in all his glory wasn't gonna pull thru with his end of the deal... she gladly obliged, and I went about looking in the restaurants section to find a NEW restraurant to go eat at for our anniversary

*BEGIN SIDE RANT*

For the past 2 years, and then one other time, just because we wanted to... we have went to Red Lobster for our anniversary. It has become sort of a tradition and something I looked forward to. Like we didn't need to plan it out, cuz it was already planned the year before. This is what we would do :) Yeah, I know, kinda boring... but I really do like routine.

Well, last year we went, and I not only had hair baked into my bread, but they brought me a salad that had slimy rotting lettuce in it. YES, I am talking about Red Lobster. NO, this isn't a joke. And for $100 for dinner, you would think we could actually EAT the food without dying or something of the like. I guess you could call me picky.

Anyway, it doesn't end there. My DH ordered surf n turf... and he only got turf. The waitress apologized for ages about it... but the point is my DH wanted to eat his Lobster Tail WITH his dinner, and since it was never prepared, he ate it by itself... but whatever.

The year time before that (not our anniversary) we went just to go to celebrate something. I think it might have been me graduating with my marketing degree. Anyway, I ordered lightly pink (what is it? Medium Well?)... when I cut it open, the thing moo-ed back at me. Totally on the RARE side. I think it was still cold even that's how long they had it on the grill. The waitress noticed right away that it was not what I ordered and quickly offered to have it fixed. Well, to make a long story short, I think it pissed the cook off, and he made "blackened steak" part of the menu that night. ICK. I couldn't even look at it.

So, now we don't go to Red Lobster anymore.

*END SIDE RANT*

I decide that we will just go to TGI Fridays. They have steak... they have Daquiris... they have beer (for DH, not me). So, I get moderately dressed up and even put on makeup, and we go out.

We get there on a Friday night around 7pm, but luckily there was no wait. I was so excited. We go in, and sit down and all is good. Food, Drinks, Alone Time. Ahhhhhhhh

Our waiter left a bit to be desired on the humor level... he started joking with us about getting trashed after he got off at 11pm, and was comparing the smoothness of this vodka to that with my DH (who doesn't care about smooth vodka really... he's a beer man). But whatever. We ordered drinks (water and tea) to start out with, and he let us be.

He comes back to our table, and puts the drinks down, and asks us if we are ready to order. We are ready to order an appetizer and have not yet decided on what meal we would like to get. So, then he does what no other waiter has ever done the whole time I have ever remembered going out to eat.

He proceeds to tell us to hold on a sec, that he really needs to sort his tickets out... and he pulls them all out and lays them on the table. OUR TABLE. HIS TICKETS. HIS TIPS. OUR TABLE. Anyone see anything wrong with this picture?! He even says:

"Sorry guys, I know this is rude......"

WTF is WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?! Do it at the damn server station, like everyone else does. Damn. I was immediately put off, but promised myself I would not make a hissy about bad service tonight. Tonight was about US, not really about the food.

So I let it slide... but my DH knew, cuz I flashed him the "WTF IS HE DOING" look.

Then, he comes back and we order our meals. He didn't know the menu, and I am thinking at $20 a meal, the server should know if it comes with sides or not. But I figured after the whole Sorting his tickets out, that he must be new, so I let it go.

We get or food... and have moved on to daqs and beer... and it's all YUMMMMMMMY!!! It was all absolutely WONDERFUL FOOD. OMG, I was in heaven. I didn't know if I was gonna have room for it all, but somehow I managed.

All is well, and I have knocked back a daquiri, and am working on another one... make me feel all warm and fuzzy... and we are almost done with dinner. Another party of something like 10 comes in and sits across from us. We are still eating our main meals, and I have decided that there will be absolutely NO room for desert.

I mentioned the party that sat across from us for a reason. They put in their orders for drinks (most all were water, but some were tea). Want to know why I know that?

Because our waiter(the same wonderful specimen who sorted his tickets out on our table)

PUT ALL OF THEIR GLASSES ON OUR TABLE

We had like 6 glasses on our table. He stops by, and sets them down,

"These will only be here for a second. I just can't hold them all"

WHO IN THE HELL DOES THAT?!?!

Part of going to dinner, and part of paying all that freaking money for it, is the fact that if you wanna use every single inch of that table you should be able to... why?? Because you just paid to sit there. And BTW... we paid a pretty penny to sit there.

I was TOTALLY PUT OFF

My DH could tell by now that I thought that this server needed to be fired or at least have a strong talking to, but he was trying to dismiss it as me exaggerating because I drank a daquiri. That was so not the case, but the night was about US, right?

So I took a deep breath, and I let it all go.

That was until I got the bill and realized that the 15% for his tip was like $10... and I couldn't believe I was gonna give him $10 to use our table as a freaking storage facility for someone else's order... and for a ticket sorting counter. I started getting visibly agitated and my DH hurried me outta there before I made a scene.

He thinks I am high maintenance, I just think if yer gonna pay $80 to eat somewhere you should at least leave happy. We don't buy gifts for ourselves on our anniversary, we splurge and go to dinner. And we never spend this much EVER, unless it's our anniversary. So yeah, I was pissed that vodka-ticket-sorter-lemme-use-yer-table-for-another-tables-order was getting a $10 tip.

But whatever.

Thanks for listening :)

2 puke, or not 2 puke

2005-11-06T09:52:00.000-08:00

I guess that would be the question. Sorry it's been so long, it's been a nightmare on my end with all of the stuff that has been keeping me busy. UGH. If it's not one thing it's like 45 others. Anyway, since my members area is still down today, I figured this was a sign from someone I should blog. So, here I am...

So, I am sure ya read the title, and are wondering. Well..... two of the kids got sick on days we were doing Halloween things. Maddie started the festivities out right before we were going to the zoo for their halloween thing there. I think I was more upset than she was. She sprayed the whole backseat though. Right after we picked up my neice. It was horrible. I took her back to Rion's and begged for Febreze from my Sister. So she didn't get to go. Which totally upset me and I almost started crying. I tried to make daddy's sound like fun... but she was the most excited of all of them to go... and I felt so bad just leaving her here in town.

But we went. Come hell or high water we were going to the zoo. Only now, it was only 4 kids in tow.

Here are some pics of the day.

THE KIDS IN FRONT OF THE MACAWS

Lexie wouldn't let me take her pic... so I have little to no pics of her during the whole outing. So it's just pics of my Neice and Reagan and Ian

Since we are on birds... I wanted to post these pics :)

Now, my girlie Diana knows how much I love that little pink birdie... I always talk her ear off about them. That's my favorite bird in the whole wide world. I think it's the prettiest thing I have ever saw. And I guess it gets bonus points cuz it's PINK... and if ya can't tell, I have a thing for pink lately ;) Anyway... I got close enough I coulda probably touched it. Literally like 3 inches away. I bet he LOOOOVED my camera. But how could I resist such a great photo opportunity. It's a Galah, if you were wondering what it was called. They are native to Australia. I always tell her she needs to mail one to me... but Aus has strict laws and she would go to prison if they ever caught her. Soooooo, looks like I have to open a zoo up to get one of these cuties. :)

Anyway, on to pukey #2. That would be my little Lexie Boo. She puked in the car while we were trick or treating. It was a real blast. She just kinda got sick on her outfit just more like spitup... but she's too big for that stuff. We were gonna go home, but she was really upset, and we had only been to like 2 houses. We figured if it was like Maddie (who only got sick that one time that day, and then never again... poor thing) So we just kept going.

We also went to my mom's house to see the Punkins. This year they had 200 of them. And they were AWESOME. Here are some pics of them:

A COLLAGE OF A BUNCH OF THEM

...

...

oh and now the costumes :) Can't forget that:

CLICK HERE FOR MY FOUR MONSTERS

I wanted Reagan to go as more like Elvira... but Christopher has other plans LOL!! She wanted to be spooky, and I think my DH did a wonderful job making her like that ;)

and another:

MY SCARY MONSTERS

it was a great couple of days :) Minus the puking, we all had a ball ;)

Thanks for readin ;)

Dear Mister Porn Spammer

2005-10-29T01:44:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to tell you how much you brightened my day when you spammed my tagboard with a link to a site with such vibrantly colored, and detailed pics. Pics I would be oh-so-proud to show my 5 year old. It was so wonderful to get a message from one of my friends that said she could no longer use her name on my tagboard, because I had banned it. Why did I ban it? because you borrowed her IP and I didn't know about it. That was sure sweet of you, I hope you don't mind, but I don't think she wants it back now that you had it for the day. Please don't be offended.

After you borrowed her IP I starting thinking that you might get tired of hers, and want some new numbers to look at. So I called my ISP to help you out, and see if you could have my old one. I patiently waited online while they kept me on hold for 20 mins. They were probably talking to other people you shared IPs from... trying to get them to understand something that I already did. You didn't mean to make someone cry because all of the sudden all of their friends and family had their IP blocked. Their family is probably stuck up and doesn't like super special visitors anyway, and their family is probably graphically challenged as well, and doesn't allow any pictures whatsoever on their PCs. They live sheltered lives.

After my tech had me reset my modem, so I could give you my IP (shhh, it was supposed to be a super special present. I was gonna tell you at Christmas)... he decided that my modem needed to be traded in for a different one. For some reason my modem had grown attached to my IP addy, and it was really upset I wanted to give it away.

So, with modem packed up, I drive all of the way across town to the cable company. I would like to thank you for the trip. Even though I get motion sickness, and have small children who cry during long car rides, I always love to go on them... and I really didn't need that quarter tank of gas anyway. I always try to make a habit of wasting gas for no reason... especially when it's almost $2.50 a gallon.

I get there and leave my daughter with her daddy to play "race car" in the front seat while I go in to speak with the tech and get my new modem. You know how kids are... they looooove to be in cars for long, extended periods of time. Almost as much as they like tearing up lobbies at places like the Cable Company. But I digress.

I know it wasn't your fault that the lady at the desk didn't know anything about Static IPs, but she was ever so helpful by calling a tech up to talk to me in person about them. I know you would have been proud of her. She pointed to the seats across the room, and told me the tech would come and help me as soon as he could.

The seats were pleasantly as hard as tree stumps, but it didn't matter to me. I waited patiently for my personal techie to come help me. I didn't even care that my back started to hurt from sitting there, because I was there for almost an hour. I knew it would be worth the wait. After all, I really really wanted to give you my IP address so you didn't have to feel so guilty about borrowing it.

My techie came out and chatted with me for a brief minute about static IPs, and then he sent me on my way. My daughter was so excited to see me. Almost as much as I was her... after all I swear she grew 3 inches while I was in the cable company. But I know it wasn't your fault I had to wait so long. I know if you were there, you would have helped me right away. Because we all know how much you are into helping people. We can all see it with the trail of bliss you leave behind after every trip you make thru Cyberspace.

I know you didn't have anything to do with the accident we were almost in on the way home either. It's a great thing my DH has lightning quick senses, especially to drive on a highway he never drives. And I am sure you would be happy to know there wasn't a car beside us when we had to swerve into the other lane to avoid hitting the car in front of us. But I am getting off track. I really meant to be writing thanks to you... not talking about my near death experience.

When I got home I rushed to my PC to install my new modem. I just couldn't wait to get back online so I could let you know that you were more than welcome to have my old IP addy now. I didn't need it anymore. I am sure you are so saddened that it took me over 2 hours to install the thing, and even with tech support over the phone the darn thing didn't wanna connect. I am sure you were waiting at my website, excited to share more pics with me. I am sorry I couldn't make it. It really wasn't my fault. I hope you aren't too disappointed. I am sure you probably waited with all of my other friends online, who all needed to get ahold of me as well, but didn't know where I was.

My amazing husband hung up after almost an hour on the phone with the tech people, and amazingly he got it to work. I went to my site to find you, but forgot I removed the tagboard so you might not know how to reach me now.

Anyway, it's late, and I should go. I have to go lay in a nice comfy waterbed with my loving husband. I hope you can sleep as well as I do knowing that every single day....

YOU RUIN PEOPLE'S FUCKING LIVES, YOU LOW LIFE SCUM SUCKING PIECE OF SHIT JACKASS!!! I HOPE SOMEONE LOCKS YOU IN A CLOSET AND LETS YOU ROT THERE. FOREVER!!! GO TO FUCKING HELL!!! FUCKING LOSER PIECE OF SHIT ASS WIPE!!!!!!!!!!!

*sigh*

I feel better

Oh BTW...

2005-10-25T23:20:00.000-07:00

I opened up the comments on the blog, so that anyone who doesn't have a blogger acct can comment now ;) If ya don't have a blogger acct., please remember to leave a URL or a name so I can get back to ya ;)

This doesn't mean if yer an assface you can come along and leave comments on my blog that I find offensive or rude. They will be deleted

Hugs,

A "Busy" Third of the Month

2005-10-25T23:12:00.000-07:00

I found this really cool site on how to monitor your ovulation patterns, and I snagged the pic to keep on my harddrive, just so I could count everything out when I needed to. It's nice to see it all in picture form, I am a very visual person. I also didn't realize that a woman is fertile for like a third of the month... I thought it was less than that. A third of the month is hard to keep up with LOL!!

Well... so anyway, This is my "third" of the month LOL!! I have been keeping my DH very busy. LOL!! He keeps telling me "I'm not a machine...." He says he doesn't understand how I can go from never ever wanting it, to wanting it 6 days in a row HA HA HA HA. I remember after my first miscarriage, it wasn't hard to get me in the mood at all. All he would have to say was "Wanna make a baby?" and look at me with his pretty blue eyes, and I would melt and practically run to the bedroom LOL!! Guess this is payback LOL!! I am bound and determined LOL!!

A Real Life Ghost Story

2005-10-22T14:10:00.000-07:00

This is a TRUE STORY... Even if yer a skeptic, read it... it will be worth yer time ;)

When my ex had just moved out and I was all of the sudden a single mother of three small children (3 yo-5mos). I think half of me was just plain delusional and the other half in denial that he really left. I mean, after all... how would he leave me with the responsibility of three kids he helped father?

So anyway, I was laying in bed one night and it was really late. And as I lay there, in my second story apartment, I hear a "scratch, scratch, scratch" above me... like something was scratching on the roof. To my knowledge, there were no trees remotely close to that part of the roof... I had no idea what it was, but it wouldn't go away.

scratch, scratch, scratch

...

scratch, scratch, scratch

As I lay there tossing, becoming increasingly aware of this sound, I started to get very anxious and nervous. I didn't have a phone to call someone to calm me down. So I just lay there still in bed, trying not to even hear myself breathe.

scratch, scratch, scratch

I could not for the life of me figure out what this sound was, but I was starting to get scared. And it was only getting louder.

My kids... all I could worry about was my kids. Maddie lay at my feet in her basinette... so little and helpless. She was only 5 mos old... and totally relied solely on her momma for help if she needed anything.

It grew louder.

scratch, scratch, scratch

Reagan and Ian sleep peacefully in the next room not knowing of anything going awry.... but they too needed their momma for basically everything. I was beginning to panic

scratch, scratch, scratch

What was I gonna do? and what was that sound. Someone was up there scratching on something. I knew that's what it was now... but why? Why would they be in the attic, or rafters, or whatever the place had? And why did they choose MY apartment to scratch over. Were they scratching INTO my house? Was the deadbolt really too hard to get thru?

The entrance to the attic was right outside my apartment door. I couldn't risk fleeing out that door if there was someone who came into my apartment. After all, what are the odds that this menacing killer, or horrible rapist, or whatever he wanted to do with my family, that he didn't have a partner... a lookout. Someone posted right outside my door. Right at the bottom of the Attic entrance. I had to think fast.

scratch, scratch, scratch

I lay there in absolute fright... my eyes concentrating on the ceiling right where the scratch was getting louder and louder. I was gonna grab Maddie and bolt the minute I saw the plaster start falling from the ceiling onto my bed. But until then, I lay frozen in fear

louder. LOUDER. LOUDER
scratch, scratch, scratch

My plan. What was my plan?!?! My Kids depended on me. It's sink or swim. I needed to save them.

scratch, scratch, scratch

I would grab Maddie, and run across the hall to Reagan and Ian. They had toddler beds. I was gonna throw the mattresses to the ground below... and then jump out. Reagan would hold Maddie, and drop her down to me, and then both the other kids would drop down to me as well

scratch, scratch, scratch

I was starting to work up a mild sweat as I lay waiting for my time to come. I would save my babies. I would save myself. I would not be murdered in my bedroom. I would never let him hurt us.

scratch, scratch, scratch

OMG what if Reagan wouldn't do it? What if she wouldn't hold Maddie for me to jump down first? What if it was too far down and the kids wouldn't jump to me? What if I jumped and was safe, and then the maniac got to my kids before I could convince them to jump? How would I live with myself? This plan was NOT going to work.

scratch, scratch, scratch

I would drop the mattresses down, and then I would drop Reagan and Ian down on the mattresses, and hope they just didn't get hurt too bad. Then I would jump with Maddie in my arms and hope that she didn't get hurt either. It was all about keeping my kids safe. I would save my kids. This murderer would NOT hurt us.

scratch, scratch, scratch

This was my plan. I couldn't wait to grab Maddie until I saw plaster falling. I got up and grabbed my sweet innocent child who was sleeping so peacefully, and I took her ever so quietly into the kids' bedroom. I sat down with her in my lap, careful not to wake any of them. I would be ready when he came. Ready to save us all.

Even from the other room I could hear the scratches if I strained my ears. It was much quieter in the kids' room and I was surrounded by my little children... who had NO IDEA what was about to happen.

scratch, scratch, scratch

I sit with my back against the wall, ready for the intruder. And I wait.

and wait...

and wait...

and wait.

I can barely hear the scratching over the breathing of my children

scratch, scratch, scratch

It's almost an hour later, and I am still waiting... and still hearing scratching... but now I can't tell if the scratching is in my head because I heard it for so long, or if the serial killer is still scratching his way into my apartment still.

scratch, scratch, scratch

My eyes are getting so hard to keep open. They sting and feel sticky I have been awake for so long. They were heavy and I felt like it was all in my power I could do to keep them open.

I would just rest them a bit but still listen carefully for any sounds in the apartment. Still listen for someone falling thru the ceiling and onto my waterbed in the other room. I would hear anything that happened, and I would save my kids.

I rested them for so long.....

that I fell asleep.

Exhausted, Delirious, and Delusional.

I woke up the next morning with the kids all happy that I slept in their room. How exciting that Mommy came to sleep with us... they were dancing around me. And Maddie even got to sleep with them too. How special was that?!?! Reagan couldn't contain her excitement.

If they only knew *rolls eyes in embarrassment*

I'm a Cool Mom

2005-10-20T23:40:00.000-07:00

I got told by two of my friends online today that I am a "cool mom" and someone was even kind enough to say that if she was younger, she would want me as a mom *giggles*

from Birgit at PK for my Pixel Pal... she was so sweet to make me something for Reagan

Anyway, today was Reagan's 8th birthday. It was a great day for her. I am so glad she had fun. We didn't have a lot of money, so I couldn't take her somewhere special... so I did what I always do when I am in a crunch... I creatively solve the problem.

I made her a scavenger hunt.

14 clues, hidden around the house and outside. I even sent her an email from "The Birthday Express" to give her a special link to where I uploaded a bunch of pages for her for part of her scavenger hunt. One page had her name spelled out R- Radical, E-Extra Special, and so forth... and then another page had a bunch of pics of her, and then she had to click thru the pics to find words, and then she had to unscramble the words, to find her next sentence for her next clue. She absolutely had a blast. I was grinning ear to ear the whole time... almost as much as she was.
here are some quick pics... yeah, yeah... that's my huge bubble writing on the envelope. I can't help it, I am a girlie girl.

we took her everywhere... she went in the shower, the fridge, the dryer, under one of the hallway runners, outside on her bike, in the grill.... a bunch of other places. It was so much fun. She was running around as fast as she could trying to find the next clue. I hope she had as much fun as I did.

The last clue gave her a keyring full of keys (I think only something like 5, maybe it was less) and we made her go to the car and figure out which key unlocked it. This is what she was searching for.

I put all of her presents and cards in there. She has asked for a locker for months... this was the next best thing... a chest that locks ;) Cuz her bad naughty siblings don't know how to keep their grubby paws off of things. They are young enough that locks work on them LOL!! When I was growing up, my sister and I used to just unscrew the hinges and take the whole hinge off... and then we could get in and raid everything "cool." (yeah yeah... I am sure my kids will pay me back with something worse. Isn't that what yer mom always says "One day, you'll have a kid JUST LIKE YOU.....")

Her biological dad didn't even call her until 11:45 pm. I had to get her outta bed. What a fucking loser. My DH thinks he's on his way to trying to get custody, but that's a different story, for a different time... and won't be a chance in hell he will ever do it.

Anyway, so the point is... I'm a cool mom... and even with no money, yer kids can have a marvelous birthday :) And I came up with the idea all by my lonesome... I am so proud.

So Here's to Reagan... she's 8 years old today!! Gawd, I feel old LOL!!

LOL That'll Teach Me....

2005-10-19T16:12:00.000-07:00

It's 30 degrees cooler today.. and right now we are sitting at a whopping 52 degrees. Gotta love the midwest. We have the weirdest weather. LOL!!

A bit of Summmer, Autumn, AND Winter

2005-10-18T17:30:00.000-07:00

I got to talking to a friend of mine today about the weather, and how crazy it's been this year. Usually by now, we have frost advisories, and are heading straight into snow. But as I sit here at 7:30pm, we are sitting at 84 degrees outside. I am fighting turning on the air... which I really refuse to do cuz it's halfway into October.

Anyway, we got to talking about crazy weather, and I brought up what they are calling "The Storm of the Century" (and actually 2 centuries) in my area. It hit right after Reagan was born. She was born on the 20th, and the storm hit October 24th, dropping over a foot of snow on us in less than 24 hours. My little baby was only 4 days old.

The storm started with rain, and turned into ice... and it hit before all of the leaves fell off the trees, so the heavy rain/ice/snow clung to all of the trees and pulled them to the ground. I have never seen so many uprooted trees in my area in my life. It was crazy.

I woke up at 2am to a thundering CRASH in my front yard. I ran to the front of the house to see what it was. I hadn't ever heard anything so loud. I struggled to see thru the iced over windows, and finally saw that a big part of the tree had fallen in my front yard. Right next to my neighbor's car.

I ran upstairs to wake my neighbor. "Move your car, move your car from underneath the tree... I think the rest of it's gonna fall... and I would hate for your car to be under it when it does." She thanked me for telling her, and she rushed to get clothes on and hurried out to get her car moved into the street.

When I woke up the next morning, he car had half a tree on top of it... I felt so bad. And the driveway where her car had been sitting, nothing but snow. I felt horrible.

My street was blocked in... we had huge trees fall at both ends of the block... these aren't little trees either... they were trees that stood for hundreds of years. Right down the street a massive pine tree fell down in the street. After closer inspection, you could see nothing other than a car, hidden under the pines. All covered by more snow.

The most amazing thing about the whole storm... the whole city lost power... there were thousands and thousands of people without power. The blocks around us for miles didn't have power. But for some small miracle, our block had been spared. We were the only block within miles that never lost power. I don't know about the whole city, as the roads were impassable, and I wasn't about to leave anywhere with my new little helpless baby at home... but most of the city lost power... if it wasn't just for a brief minute. and some people didn't even have power for about 10 days. TEN DAYS WITHOUT POWER. Because of some SNOW! I can't help but to think that something up there, way up there, was looking down on my little 4 day old baby, and saved her from the cold... and spared us our electricity. It truly was amazing.

If ya would like to see some pictures or read a bit more about the storm... CLICK HERE

Anyway, It's getting so pretty here. I had to share pics. These bushes are usually bright green.. but in Autumn they get all purdy-like :) And no snow in sight ;)

Happy Autumn,

Recent Ramblings

2005-10-17T16:13:00.000-07:00

Reagan is gonna be 8 in three days. I can't believe that. We are taking her bowling on Saturday, cuz that's what she said she wanted to do. I offered to take 2 other kids from her class as well... We will see how that pans out. I have never taken her bowling before (she has went once with her dad), and I thought this might be a "grown up" thing she would like. She's at that stage where she doesn't like to do anything unless it's "grown up."

This time of year is crazy for us... cuz the two of the girls have Bdays in October, and then Halloween... and then of course Thanksgiving, and Xmas... then January we have three bdays. LOL!! Looks like when hormones are raging we just seemed to forget about any family planning LOL!! Cuz I woulda never done this on purpose HA HA HA

Anyway, I have been drawing like mad trying to put some new things up at my purchaseware site. Here are just a few of the sigtags I made:

I really like how they turned out... I added more, but these are my current favs LOL!! Check them out if ya have some time ;) I am trying to make some premades too... cuz I haven't updated those for a long time LOL!!

Hugs,

The Trainwreck that is Danger

2005-10-16T00:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a nightmare. By farthest the hardest day since I have went thru this whole ordeal. I cried so much last night my eyes were swollen shut when I woke up and I could barely open them. I went in the bathroom and squinted at myself in the mirror. I couldn't even recognize myself. My eyes were so swollen. I have never cried that much in my life.

My DH wanted to go to a friend's house last night and do some drinking and play some poker. I am not a big drinker, but I was like what the hey... get outta the house for a couple of hours.

Except this wasn't a couple of hours :

We go over at like almost 11pm, and Lesley has this awesome dinner prepared for everyone. I thought it was a bit late to be cooking, but they are all young (I think we were by far the oldest ones there) and she lives on a really weird schdule right now because of her job. So we ate. It was all wonderful.

We migrate downstairs after everything is put away and stuff, and they start playing poker and watching wrestling. I DO NOT, and don't think I ever will understand wrestling. Just a bunch of guys with mullets in jumpsuits faking everthing in some manly over coreographed testosterone blitz for an hour. Sounds like a blast. I am more of a realist I guess. If you want some fantasy, watch General Hospital, or Young and the Restless. At least they don't claim to be real and shout at each other for 5 minutes before the show starts.

Anyway, they don't smoke in the house, so everyone was taking shifts to go upstairs to smoke... and it made for a very very slow game of poker... eventually the girls kicked out and gave away their chips and then there weren't many people playing so they all just decided they would sit around and watch some Mullet Boys fling themselves into each other and break chairs over their heads.

Then that got boring. (Was it ever interesting??) and they shut it off

A Few Good Men was on the TV after they shut the DVD player off, and somehow I got sucked in. I can't believe I had never saw that movie... it musta been a third of the way into the movie when I started watching it, but I got sucked in and didn't realize I was the only one downstairs until it was so far into the movie that I didn't wanna shut it off. I can't believe how young Tom Cruise looks in that movie.

The movie ends, and I just kinda sat there. I didn't know if I wanted to just fall asleep (I was at my husband's mercy as to when we would be leaving) and I was tired and the sectional looked OH SO COMFY. So I lie there.

But then I wasn't tired.

Go figure.

I get up and go upstairs and I sit on the couch in the living room waiting for them to come back inside from smoking... but apparently it's good convo out there, and one of the girls who was still awake has taken a blanket out there and they are just hanging out and chatting out on the balcony. It was too cold to go outside for me... so I just sit there and wait.

And wait

and wait

Tried going to sleep up there, but it wasn't working. I kept thinking about a bunch of stuff, and my mind was too restless and it wouldn't stop churning.

I then realized it was after midnight (it was actually closer to 2:30 or 3am I think) and now it's officially "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day." I realized that I never even knew there was a Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness day until I became one of the statistics to cause them to create such a day. And the only reason I know is because I had something horrible happen to me... and people told me about this day to try to help me cope or whatever. But it doesn't help you cope, it just helps you dwell on the fact that you lost a baby

A reason to dwell on the fact that something shitty happened to you. I can't believe people want that?!

I was now in a really somber mood, and almost in tears, but I refused to make a scene at someone else's house and ruin my husband's night out. He hardly ever gets a real night out where he can chill out for as long as he wants... and I didn't wanna cut him short.

They came in quite a bit later and I had just been dwelling on everything, and by now I had wiped several tears from my face as I as I sat there watching them be drunk idiots. I still wasn't saying anything. I just closed my eyes and let them think I was sleeping on the couch.

It's 5am and my DH finally decides it's time to go home and I have to drive cuz "Vodka Surprise" has turned my husband into a giddy idiot who is laughing at everything around him.

I cried all of the way home. The kind of tears that just roll down your face, but you aren't sobbing or anything. Just kind of silent tears. I tried so hard not to let my DH see me, but I know he did.

We get home, and it's time for bed, and I am laying down and it's not getting better. I didn't want to keep him up, so I go out in the living room with blanket and pillow in tow, and I sit on the couch and started sobbing. I put my pillow over my face it was so bad... I was trying so hard to be quiet so he didn't have to listen to me. I just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Like the kind of crying in the movies when something absolutely horrible has happened. The kind of crying I never thought was real until last night.

I'm not sad anymore for my loss though... I am downright angry.

I am so pissed that I will never know for sure WHY it happened. Why me?? Why my baby? The fact that I can't know is driving me up the wall. And the frustration just makes me more pissed off... and then I am so angry at myself for being angry that I start crying. I am a mess... but I don't know how else to describe it. And more importantly, I don't know how to fix it. I want it all to go away. I am really not this type of person. I keep telling my DH if I knew how to make it go away, I woulda done it weeks ago. But I don't know how. And even THAT is making me angry too.

I know Anger is part of the whole grieving process... but I hate being an angry person. I am one of those people who usually looks for the best of things... or is always calm cool and collected... and if I am pissed off about something.. I usually say my peace and be done with it... and most times, when I have said whatever I needed to, it's without malice, and stating the facts about why whoever fucked up is a moron and how they need to fix it. I hardly ever yell... but right now I just wanna scream.

I want someone to blame.

And I will never have that. And THAT makes me angry.

I woke up this morning and felt like a train ran over my face. I put ice on my eyes, but even right now they are still a bit swollen.

I told a friend on IM today... she asked me how my night out was (she was talking to me as I was getting ready last night) and I told her it was a nightmare, and the night turned into a big mess. I said the only thing good about last night was that it pretty much guaranteed that today HAD to be better..... because I really don't think it coulda got worse. Today is about over for me, and I was right. It was better. Hopefully it will continue to do so.

Well I'll Be..........

2005-10-13T16:35:00.000-07:00

Conferences for Reagan and Ian were today. I was up til after 6:30am this morning cleaning, so I took a nap right before conferences. I was DREADING going because Ian has been in so much trouble in school. I get stress headaches just thinking about Ian's school career thus far.

So I go in and wait my turn at Reagan's teacher's table... and we start conferences and everything is perfect. She's a wonderful writer, bright future... blah blah blah. She's perfect here, perfect there, has the best grades she could possibly get. And then we get to Math.

She failed the district test for math comprehension.

SHE DID WHAT?!?!

This is a girl who is in Diff. everything. She has the best grades she can have (including Math). They grade on a 1-4, 4 being the highest, and she has 4s in all of her subjects. She is one of the brightest in her class. The teacher is gonna retest her because she thinks that Reagan didn't follow the directions. That's nice... Talk about a shocker.

We finish up the conference about Reagan, and I mention I am glad that it all went well... as I have to go to her younger brother's right after this one... and I am sure it won't go as well as Reagan's. She tells me to take a breather, and relax, cuz she's sure it will be okay ;) She must not know my son LOL!!

I leave the gym and go to the library to where Ian's teacher is waiting. I remember just wanting to run away. I sat down and listened to her talk.

"He's been doing so well these last couple of weeks......."

HUH??

Did I hear that right??

Is she talking about MY Ian??

She goes on about how one day he just decided he was gonna be a "good boy" at school (probably the same day I told him if he didn't straighten his butt up in school I would take his teacher and alla his friends away and I would homeschool his butt and I would MAKE SURE it wouldn't be any fun) and since then he's been great to work with.

And even more amazingly, she said he's so smart in Math that (pending his attitude) she wants to move him to Diff. Math

SAY WHAT?!?!

I had to hold back tears. And I am sure I was BEAMING with pride as she went on and on about my son and how well he is doing in her class now. He still has "episodes" but she curttails them by writing fake notes to other teachers and having him "be a helper" and go deliver them to the teacher. She said she has three boys in her class she has to do this for... and that it really does keep their little attitudes in check.

I left the conferences with so much lifted off my shoulders. I was so proud that as I walked down the hall with a BIG SMILE on my face, and I had to hold back tears. Ian wasn't being a little monster in the classroom anymore. And besides the test that Reagan didn't follow directions on, she is doing so well in all of her Diff. classes, and she is really one of the brightest in her class. It was a good day :)

I got to the truck and started bawling... but this time, it was tears of happiness. So much tension just floated away. My son wasn't a kid that his teacher dreaded seeing anymore. I wouldn't have to homeschool him. I think hell just froze over and the devil can't find a snowsuit... but either way, I don't care what it is... I just want it to stay this way.

My Spectacular Lexie Boo

2005-10-12T17:29:00.000-07:00

Lexie is just about three years old. To be more precise, she will be three on January 9th. And she does AMAZING THINGS.

The other night we were at a friend's house and she was playing on the computer. She wanted to look up "fish" on Google. So we look them up, and she is happy and content using the scroller mouse to scroll up and down the pages clicking on the pictures she likes the most. She knows how to use the back arrow to go back to the Google search, and she knows how to use the red X to close the window she doesn't want open anymore.

Did I mention she is still TWO?!

My DH's best friend remarks "Wow, she can operate that thing better than my mom." At first I thought that was totally sarcastic and insulting to his mom (which they happen to crack on often anyway)... but then he said he was serious... that it took him forever to explain how to close a window out to his mom... and she didn't even know what the "red X" was. It made me think.

I could never imagine being that technologically advanced at her age. We didn't even have a computer. My school didn't get a computer in the library until I was in like 5th grade. Now people have them all over. LOL!! We have TWO in my living room. LOL!!

Lexie can X a window out, she can use the scroller mouse, and she can totally navigate my Photo Bucket acct. Even go between folders and back to the main window. She is familiar with Google, and she knows how to click on all of the pretty pictures there. She is a total amazement to me.

Not to mention she is really darn cute. LOL

I guess all this knowledge she has though... it doesn't keep her from being two. This is her latest mishap.

CLICK HERE

That was Maddie's Birthday Cake... before Maddie even got to see it. Nice, huh? Gotta Love Kids.

A Walk To Remember

2005-10-09T19:38:00.000-07:00

At the service today (which was overly religious IMO, but it was beautiful nonetheless) we read this poem outloud before we walked to the gravesite. I couldn't read it, and my DH just held me as I sobbed while others around me recited the eloquent words. I thought I would share it, as it really is a beautiful poem.

A Walk to Remember

I walk to remember--
The Steps you'll never take.
I carry you with me--
As I firmly plant my feet.

Our trek started long ago,
Before my belly swelled.
You were a love that grew--
Like butterfly wings that beat.
Your gentle flutters then became--
Kicks upon which I would dwell.
And I would talk to you, sweet babe,
About the world you soon would meet.

The sun always shone upon us then--
When you were in my womb.
And I was eager to show you the world--
That would have been your home.
How you'd have loved the sun shining--
Blue skies without a cloud.
The autumn leaves turning--
The snow falling all around.
The flowers in the summer--
Would have filled your eyes with smiles.
And the rain that might have fallen--
Would have caused you great surprise.

You would have traveled far with me--
Holding me by the hand.
And I'd have shown you all I could--
More than I could imagine.

You hold my HEART tightly now,
As though we're holding hands.
How far we've traveled little one--
And my life with you has been sweet.
For I carry you in my heart,
As I firmly plant my feet.

-Kathie Mayo, 1986

They planted a tree at the cemetery in memory of all of the children who has passed on. We wrote our babies' names on slips of paper, and then dropped the paper in the hole where the tree will be planted, so that they could "become one" with the tree. The tree will shade the foot of the plot where all of our babies will rest. It was so sad. All of these women, all of these families. Some big, some small... all in one place for one thing... a loss of one (and sometimes more than one) child. They gave us two tulip bulbs to take home to plant in memory of our child. I am kind of scared to plant them... as I always have had a BLACK thumb, and I would be devastated if I happened to kill them... but I am determined to find out how to make them flourish... as I think it really would be beautiful to have tulips in the spring.

Something a bit eerie about the whole ceremony though, that almost bothered me were these two women (one with her husband beside her) they allowed to speak and share their stories. The first one had not lost a baby this year... her child had died almost 3 years before, during her labor at full term, and she delivered her stillborn. Her daughter was born just 5 days before Alexis, and ironically her name was Alexa. I thought that was a bit chilling. Then, the second woman came up to speak, and she starts talking about having a normal pregnancy until at 20 weeks they could find no heartbeat. She was induced and also delivered her daughter stillborn... which they named Reagan. I was floored when she said her daughter's name... as I don't hear a lot of people naming their daughter this... and I almost got chills down my spine when I realized the two stories that had been shared today shared likenesses to the names I chose for my children. I realize Alexis is a rather common name now... but I hardly ever hear Reagan at all. It made me realize that every life is really precious, and a miracle. Their stories could have been MY babies they were talking about. *I* could have been up there with a story about MY Reagan, or MY Lexie. I couldn't even imagine. This is hard enough not even knowing the sex of the baby, and never seeing my child... but to be able to actually hold your baby, and name him or her, just to let them go for eternity... I really could never imagine. I will be thinking of all of those families tonight when I go to sleep. May they all find solace and closure soon, as I hope I can too. Today has been an extremely hard one.

I got more

2005-10-06T20:22:00.000-07:00

To say AND to show off LOL!! I almost forgot LOL!!!

Melly... my ABSOLUTELY FAVORITE graphic artist in the CGC had a sale this past weekend... and me, being a total addict, bought as much as my grubby little paws could get. LOL!! Here are a couple of the sigtags I bought:

AREN'T THEY FREAKING CUTE??? And what's better that they have MY NAME on them *giggles* I could look at my pretties forever. My Sissy, Tammy even gifted me two other ones as well. Cuz she knows how addicted I am and she's sweet like that!! :) Now I have SEVEN Ginger Tags!! I AM IN HEAVEN!!! Melly probably thinks I am a nut LOL!! She's one of the very few in the CGC I could say that I stalk, and want about everything she makes LOL!!

I now own almost all of her Ginger collections as well (I think I am missing 2? Maybe it's only 1)... I use them to do the kids' scrapbook site online (it's hidden... so only the elite *giggles* know what I am talking about). Every page I have made is done with a Ginger set, except I think 2... and that was cuz I didn't have the sets then that I do now :) I even went and took pics of the kids with ice cream cones just cuz Melly made this absolutely adorable ice cream parlor set I thought would be great with pics of the kids. I am in Ginger Heaven!! It's almost better than Chocolate and Sex in the same night LOL!!

And speaking of pics of the kids... we had a beautiful monarch come visit the INSIDE of our house the other day... and I totally saw a photo op the minute it started fluttering around my living room. Here are some of my favorite shots:

I took out a stray couple of hairs by her nose, and I softened it and gave it a sepia look

And here are some other random ones:

this is one of the first pics of her I have where her eyes are squinted shut LOL!!

This is a cool shot of the butterfly flying away ;)

And some random pics of the monarch by itself (hover for descriptions):

Thanks for looking. I have a whole album posted... if you would like to see more, email me ;) I will send ya the link :) (don't forget to remove the AT and replace with a @)

Part II

2005-10-06T19:32:00.000-07:00

Anyway, let me continue my rant from my previous post.

I went to go on a walk, but it never happened... I had to go get the kids as they were all riding bikes with my DH in the empty parking lot next to my house. I proceeded to walk up there and start yelling at him again. I think I have yelled at him like 3 times today over this... but I refuse to just let them get walked all over. My kids will have a voice, and I will make my opinion known. I don't yell often either, I learned most times all it does is piss people off... but today I was absolutely furious. And I won't stand there and let someone treat my kids like crap... I don't care if it's someone I married or not.

I think he got the point that I am sick of the shit today because he knows I am serious when I say my children will not be leaving (he wants to send Ian to military school where he can "get the discipline he needs"), and I will not be leaving... and if he really does think his life has been ruined or whatever trash he wants to spout out then he can get the hell out. I was a single mom before, and I guess if it means that my children grow up in a healthy environment, I will do it again. I love my husband with all of my heart... but I love my children even more. I don't make empty threats, and he knows this... so I guess we will see if the shit stops and gets better... let's hope it does ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a lighter note... we went movie shopping for Maddie and Reagan's birthdays today, and ended up with some awesome movies for cheap. My kids go thru movies where they wanna watch them solid for a month, and then after that they never wanna look at them again, so I always buy them second hand, cuz I am not spending $20 on a movie they will stop watching in a month. We hit up 2 pawn shops, and ended up with a bunch of movies. The list goes something like this:

Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone (I thought we had this, but my DH informed me we didn't)
Scooby Doo
The Incredibles
Shark Tale
Pagemaster (we had this before, but they watched it so much the tape went bad... this time it's a DVD LOL)
Inspector Gadget 2 (VHS)
Blues Musical Movie (VHS)- this was for Lexie LOL

The first four I got for $20... I thought that was awesome. Two of them were Collectors Editions, and came with 2 DVDs. $5 for a movie isn't bad at all... especially when renting them it's about $4 LOL!!

We also broke down and bought a DVD player for the kids room... from a pawn shop as well. I figure if they are gonna break the damn thing, I might as well only spend $30 on it, and then I am not out a ton of money LOL!! It's an itty bitty thing... I can't believe how thin they make those things now. Hopefully we can put it up high enough that the bratty brats will stay away from it. We have their TV mounted on the ceiling, so they can't pour water on it (that's how they ruined the last TV... wonderful, huh?)... so hopefully we can fit the DVD player in the bracket somehow too ;)

My kids will never be ugly step children

2005-10-06T15:14:00.000-07:00

When I was growing up it was painstakingly obvious who my mom's favorite was. I was 15 mos older than my sister, but for some reason... her curfew was later, she was allowed to do more things, and she stayed up later than I did... and that's just a small glimpse into my childhood. When I was 15 years old, I still had to be inside by the time the streetlights came on. My sister was allowed to come home at 10pm. In a way, I guess I should be glad my mom was like that. It made me a stronger person, and it also kept the reigns tight, so I never experimented with drugs or alcohol like my sister did. After all... people in high school aren't out drinking before the sun sets. Especially out in the country. They wait for it to get dark and then set massive bon fires out in abandoned fields, and party out in the darkness.

Anyway... my point is, when I was growing up, I remember thinking how unfair it was that my sister got to do everything, and I got nothing. I have made my own money since I was 14, and my sister never had to have a job until she moved out. She was a drill leader, costing my mom $300 for her costume... but if I wanted to do anything, I was informed I better pick up extra hours from work... because my mom would not be shelling out for anything I wanted. I remember feeling afraid to even ask for money to join something in school, cuz I knew I would get a lecture about how we were poor and how dare I even think about asking... muchless to actually have the nerve to do so... it didn't matter that my sister just got $300 for a band uniform or not. She even made me pay for my own hygeine products, but would pay for my sister to have Pantene, and all of the other frilly stuff. Her excuse for not paying for my shampoo and conditioner? My sister's hair was shorter than mine... so she didn't use as much as I did. Whatever.

And now I have my own children. Four beautiful (but sometimes trying) children. I bust my ass to make sure everything is fair, and "even" between them... even down to cutting muffins in half so one can't say to the other that he or she got the bigger half. I remember how it was to get the short end of the stick time and time again. So I try damned hard not to be like that for my children. But my husband has other ideas.

He thinks children don't belong in the living room. He was raised that the living room was not a place for children. I wasn't raised like that... in fact, the living room was basically my sister's and mine, and we did with it what we wanted. My mom and dad entertained company downstairs in the pool room. And the living room was for our friends (for which I never dared to bring home, because they were always too old, the wrong color, or my mom always had something else she hated about them). But this is basically the exact opposite with my DH.

Anyway, when I say "children" don't belong... I mean to say the ones he didn't help create. MY children to him consist of the ones I came into this relationship with... not the one I have given birth to since then. He thinks since I already have three... why do I need to care about another one... and she's easily disposable, and it won't matter to me if she isn't around. What are you supposed to say to something like that? It's like he's trying to say that my mom was right. Like I shouldn't matter... and my youngest child deserves all of the finest and the best, but the other children deserve porridge and rags. I am absolutely going crazy over this.

I mean, I know... I have no idea how it is to take care of three kids 24/7 that are not your flesh and blood. I don't even pretend to understand. And I know he makes damn sure that Lexie doesn't get left out of everything... and left in the dust. But in his eagerness to make sure she has everything she wants, he just totally brushes my other kids to the side.

Even his family has said something to me that he's so harsh with the kids. They will run up to him to give him hugs, and the first thing outta his mouth is "get the hell off of me" as he brushes them off his leg like lint. I mean, I understand being stressed out in family situations when you are visiting someone else's house, but stuff like that shouldn't happen.

And today, he goes outside to talk on the phone with a friend, and Lexie follows him out there... but then when Maddie and Reagan try to do the same... it's like they run into a brick wall.... and they are even easier to watch outside than Lexie is. So I don't understand. He starts counting to 3 and demands they come inside. They both come inside upset crying about why Lexie gets to play outside but they don't... and why?

I am rambling... I am gonna take a walk with them... I am so pissed off I could spit. I will finish this in a bit.

'Tis October Already

2005-10-01T21:13:00.000-07:00

October is such a busy month. Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Down Syndrome Awareness Month. Reagan's Birthday, Madison's Birthday. Halloween.

And the funeral.

The hospital does a mass funeral for everyone who has ever miscarried this last year, and they do it right before the 15th (which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day). They have a service and bury your baby's remains (in its own box) in a mass grave. She said they send you home with a flower bulb, so you can plant a perrenial in your child's memory. It's all supposed to be really nice, but I have mixed feelings about it. The funeral is on Sunday the 9th... which happens to fall on the same day as Maddie's birthday. *sigh*

When I miscarried, October 9th seemed so far away. I was taking every day one at a time... and October felt like a million years away. How time flies. I can't believe how fast it all has went.

When I realized it was October, my stomach turned into knots. I am not ready for October. I am not ready for the funeral. I am not ready to be encompassed in sadness. I don't want to bury my baby. I know some may feel like it wasn't a real baby since he or she was never born, but my baby had already developed hands and feet, fingers and toes. My baby could kick and swallow. My baby was... well, a baby. You should never have to bury your child. It's heartbreaking.

On a lighter note... my friend Michael has decided he is coming up on the 8th. We met online several years ago, and I had the pleasure to finally meet him last February, and then he was sent to back to Iraq. He's coming up on the 8th to go to dinner and go play some darts. I told him I could stand to drink a couple drinks... and it all should be a good time. I suck at playing darts, but for some reason when I am drinking, I am just drawn to them. I hardly ever drink... so I guess that's why I suck... I don't ever get enough practice LOL!! It should all be a good time... and I am hoping to get some more pics of us together ;) Will post them when I get a chance after the festivities.