Thanksgiving Day Nightmare

Where to start?

The night before Thanksgiving, I was boiling eggs to make devilled eggs, and the damn things wouldn't peel at all. it looked like shrapnel had hit my eggs, and they were all torn to shreds, and I didn't even have ONE SINGLE EGG that made the cut that I would be proud to serve to someone else. In a fit of I-Hate-cooking-for-other-people rage, I smooshed them all between my bare fingers, in the palm of my hands, right in the pan. Nothing like some smooshed up eggs with the shell and everything to put yer night into perspective. My DH thought I had snapped and I was about to go psycho. I think I had everything but the twitch totally mastered that night.

So I decided that we wouldn't be having devilled eggs for Thanksgiving dinner. And I warned my DH that the stupid eggs were probably just a prelude of the things to come. Somehow I knew it was an omen. *cues crappy 'Danger-is-cursed' music* Little did I know.

I got up at 9am the next morning (Thanksgiving) to find that my 20 pound Butterball Turkey was still frozen. Even though the damn thing had been in my fridge a week, it was still ice coated and rock hard. Soooo, I had to run cold water over it until it was thawed. No biggie, right? It's okay... just a small setback.

While I was rinsing the turkey off I noticed that the damn thing still had quills in it, and I had to pluck the damn thing in three places. This was a BUTTERBALL!! Supposed to be the best in the crop. Best I guess if you like to pluck yer bird before you eat it.

Three boxes of stuffing later, and about half an hour late, I had the bird in the oven at 10:30am. I called my SIL to tell her that it was only in 30 mins late, totally not my fault it wasn't plucked or thawed, and we should still be on schedule for everything ;)

We waited

and waited

and waited....

My MIL's husband calls me sometime around noon I think to remind me that since I have the turkey, I would also have the drippings (DUH) and he wants to know if I know how to make gravy. Now... I wouldn't be totally insulted, but this is coming from the man who married a woman who makes her gravy sans drippings and with bullion cubes and soup starter flakes instead. "Of course I am making the gravy. I told Amy I would." He doesn't seem very confident, but I know how to make gravy... and I do a damn good job at it... I wasn't gonna put up with crap from a man who I really didn't like in the first place. I told him I would bring gravy when I brought the turkey, and then I hung up the phone.

I was basting it every 30 mins, and it was starting to smell delicious by around 2pm. I was beginning to feel so confident that this was gonna be the most delicious turkey I had ever eaten.

My SIL calls at 2pm and wants to know how everything is going, and if the turkey is almost done. I assure her it should be done soon, as my whole house is filled with the aromatic goodness that a 20 pound turkey should provide.... it had to be close. She lets me know that she will be putting the potatoes on around 3pm then, so that we can all still eat at 4pm as scheduled. She assured me even if we were running a little behind schedule it would be okay, we didn't HAVE to eat right at 4pm.

I basted at 2:30pm and 3pm, and she calls again. Checking on the turkey. I was beginning to become slightly agitated as I told her we weren't gonna be there til about 4pm anyway, and I didn't know why she had to keep calling about the turkey. Anyway, I tell her it should be fine to start the potatoes, and if we were a little later than 4pm, it should all still be okay. She seemed fine with that, and then let me go.

During all of this phonetag and turkey basting, my disposable roaster (which I will never buy again) rips a hole in the bottom and about half of my precious drippings dripped right into the bottom of my oven. WONDERFUL. When I realized this, I pulled the turkey out as fast as I could and tried to salvage the rest of the drippings for gravy. I didn't want them giving me shit cuz I made crappy gravy cuz I didn't have any drippings.

At 330pm, I cut open the thigh, and I noticed the juices were still running pink, so I told my DH that I was gonna put it in for another 30 mins, as I didn't wanna eat undercooked pink turkey. He totally understood, and we went about our business.

They called again.

"What's the news on the turkey?"

"It's still running a bit pink, so she's putting it back in the oven for 30 more minutes," Says my DH to whoever was on the other end. I just sighed loudly. I could tell the people on the other end of the phone were getting agitated, cuz he was like "well, we really can't make it cook any faster, and she says it's not done yet." He talks for a bit longer, and then he hangs up the phone.

I am kinda annoyed by now... cuz they have called all day long about a turkey we said wouldn't even be there until about 4pm.

4pm rolls around, I pull the turkey out, and I cut open the other thigh. It's only a little bit pink, but it wasn't totally clear, so I told my DH I didn't know what to do? He says don't worry about it, just put it back in for 30 mins and everything would be fine. I knew it was so close to being done by the color of the juice, but I just wanted to make sure no one got sick. That would be great. I would be the woman who fed her in-laws the pink turkey that made them puke the rest of the night. I KNOW I would never live that down.

I had already made the gravy, which had left a lot to be desired since I had like NO Flavor in it. I had to make the little amount of drippings I actually salvaged last thru 9 people who would wanna drown everything on their plate in gravy.

The phone rings... AGAIN. Bet you can't guess who this is? I can tell you it WAS NOT Ed McMahon calling to tell me I won a million dollars.

Whoever is on the phone is bitching at my DH, and by now I am getting vocally pissed off, and I am swearing while I am stirring the gravy. A bunch of impatient asses. He tells them he doesn't know what to do, it's not done, and he doesn't wanna bring a pink turkey. They inform us that his mom and her husband have to leave town early, so they really need to eat NOW, and don't know why the turkey is taking so long. I was getting really pissed off. They hang up.

My DH and I start arguing over why they can't be patient, and why didn't anyone tell US that they had to go to work early and leave town early. The whole day my SIL had told me it would be okay if dinner was a little late, it didn't matter-- it was Thanksgiving afterall. I was so frustrated, as this wasn't my fault, and it was all falling in my lap that *I* was gonna be the one to ruin Thanksgiving.

They call back at 4:15

AGAIN!

By now, I am freaking pissed as hell and decided I would just take a pink turkey over there cuz they were so impatient and couldn't wait. They could eat undercooked turkey to their hearts content, but I wasn't gonna be responsible if they got sick from it.

And then they tell my DH the unthinkable.

It doesn't matter that the turkey isn't done, cuz they already ate. So don't worry about it anymore.

ALREADY ATE?!?!?!

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I spent all freaking day stressed out and cooking for people I didn't even wanna cook for, making a turkey I babied all day long to make sure it would turn out wonderfully delicious for the people I didn't wanna cook for in the first place... and then the freaking ungrateful bastards impatiently eat Chicken and Noodles for Thanksgiving Dinner before half the dinner guests have arrived?!?!

I promptly started SCREAMING in the background at whoever was on the phone. I couldn't believe they insulted me like that, acting like the food I was cooking wasn't even worth the wait for.

I plated that stupid turkey up, but not before I dropped a stoneware plate on the floor just so it could slice the crap outta my foot 2 seconds after it hit the linoleum. It hurt like hell, but I was soley motivated my hate now, and I ddin't even care. I couldn't take time to bandage my foot... my Inlaws needed their food NOW. I put the gravy in a damn bowl, and told my DH they would be welcome to eat the food I slaved over all day for, but I would be DAMNED if I was eating pink turkey just to get sick from it. I was gonna drop it all off to them, and then I would promptly be coming home, because I wasn't about to sit with someone so ungrateful for the food I just cooked all day.

He was trying to diffuse the situation by trying to reason with whoever was on the other line. I had headed for the truck with Lexie in tow, and I put the gravy down and buckled her in. I came back in the house to grab the turkey and remind him for people who are so freaking impatient to eat they sure were wasting a lot of time on the phone with him. I told him he had 5 mins to get in the truck, or I would be leaving without him. I grabbed the turkey and headed outside.

I was sitting in the drivers seat adjusting everything for my short body, figuring out how I was gonna balance the turkey and the gravy, all while driving for 15 mins., when my DH came to the drivers side door.

I barked at him, "What are you doing. Get in the damn truck. They need to eat now!!"

He says, "Baby, come back inside. We will put the bird back in the oven, and we will just have dinner by ourselves. I told them all to go to hell, and that we weren't coming over."

I started crying.

How dare they ruin my Thanksgiving. And at the same time, How blessed am I to have such a wonderful husband. I could have married him all over again right there. It wouldn't have even matter that I had turkey juice all over my hands when he slipped on the ring again.

We took the food back inside, and he told me everything that was said on the phone while we made potatoes and rolls, and heated up corn.

We then ate a peaceful, non stressful dinner BY OURSELVES. I think I even managed a smile.

and you know what? It was WONDERFULLY DELICIOUS... even if the gravy did suck.

I told a friend online, that occasionaly ya have to have really crappy Thanksgivings so that you can ultimately appreciate the good ones even more.

Beware the Turkey Gods...

It's been a madhouse around here. Between drawing for Doodles, and drawing for Daydreams, my son who got beat up (bless his heart-- he's fine BTW ;) ), and then everything we have to do for Thanksgiving.... things have me kinda running this way and that LOL!!

I was put in charge of roasting the turkeythis year. Now, normally I would be like "no sweat," but this year, I am sweating like a stuck pig.

See, a few years ago, we went to my MIL's house for Thanksgiving. I was told I needed to "bring stuffing." Since they would need the stuffing for the bird, I just grabbed two boxes of Stove Top, and headed on my merry way. We drove down to her house, and I walk in with my boxes in tow.

NOT COOKED??!!

She looks at me like I am crazy. "Why isn't it cooked?" she asked me. I said, "Well, I thought you would need it to stuff the turkey."

Again, she looks at me like I am CRAZY!

"I don't stuff my turkey, I never have."

BLASPHEMY! PURE BLASPHEMY!!

"Ummm, well that's the only way I know how to make a turkey is to stuff it. I really wish you woulda clarified HOW you wanted the stuffing... because I thought we would prepare it here so it could be fresh to stuff the turkey with."

I get this death glare like no other. To me, stuffing the turkey always added flavor, and it flavored the stuffing. It makes sure both won't be dry. They are sympatico. They go hand in hand. It's like having a wedding without inviting the groom. You can't NOT stuff the turkey.

Okay, I am sure for all of you "non-stuffers" out there yer looking at me like "yes you can, I do it all of the time." Well, she was also looking at me with those same eyes.

"Well, my turkey is always moist, and never dry... and I HAVE NEVER STUFFED the turkey."

We dropped it. And I prepared the stuffing there. All was well. Stuffing was all dandy. I had made good on my end ;)

So time comes to carve the turkey, and everything looks so delicious. It smells wonderful, and I just can't wait to scarf down a whole plate of Tryptophan and Potatoes. YUM!!! Smelled DELICIOUS.

"See, I told you.... my turkey always turns out WONDERFUL. And all with NO STUFFING."

I just rolled my eyes and took a bite.

*cough, cough*

I knew I didn't put tree bark on my plate, so I looked down to make sure that's not what I put in my mouth.

Hmmm, no tree bark on my plate... but whatever was in my mouth sure had the consistency of treebark. I shoveled a bunch of mashed taters and gravy in really quick so I could swallow the bite without choking to death on it.

Then, I did what everyone else does when the turkey tastes like ASS... I reached for the gravy, and SMOTHERED my poor turkey in GRAVY!

And so did everyone else.

She looked right at me, "well, I think you cursed the turkey talking about how it should be stuffed and stuff... cuz I have never ever had a dry turkey in all my days of Thanksgivings. NEVER."

*I* Cursed *her* Turkey????

I think the Turkey Gods did it personally. Maybe next time she will stuff the bird ;)

Anyway, so this brings me full circle to the beginning of my story. *I* am in charge of the turkey this year. And for the last three years or so... maybe four... My DH has been talking smack to her (and anyone else he can think of) about how delicious *my* turkey is, and how it's never ever been dry like hers was. So, now... I hope the Turkey Gods shine down on me... cuz I HAVE TO HAVE A DELICIOUSLY JUICY TURKEY.... Or I will NEVER NEVER NEVER live it down.

My Poor Little Ian

My eye has been bothering me lately... and I think I have some vertigo thing going on, and I don't know how to fix it... so bare with me if I am kinda scattered. It's been hard to stay concentrrated and focused.

I talked to Rion today and I found out that while in his care, my little boy got beat up today. I just wanted to go over and pick Ian up right then and there, but I didn't. For all of you out there who might know how Rion has been in the past, NO he wasn't the one who beat him up... it was two neighbor kids upstairs.

Ian was over at the neighbor's house with her two sons and they were playing up there, and for some unknown reason, both the boys just took it upon themselves to beat the crap outta my son... all while the mom sat there and ignored the whole thing. She didn't even get her lazy crackwhore ass off the couch to save my son, and I know he had to have been crying. Ian finally broke loose from the two boys, and ran out the front door and back to his dad's house.

Rion said the boys left knuckle marks all over Ian's body, and it was very apparent they had punched Ian in the jaw. He said he had a couple cuts, and would probably be bruised up pretty good tomorrow. I feel so bad for him. He's my little boy. He's my Ian.

I know "boys will be boys" but what the fuck is wrong with this woman that she would let two older boys beat the crap outta another little boy in her care? I have heard horrible stories that the whole building my sister and my ex live in are all drunks or addicts. I personally know the landlord and he's not above that I am sure. I grew up with him, and the day I turned 18 he asked me out on a date and tried to kiss me. He's utterly repulsive, so it doesn't surprise me he would rent to people of the same demeanor. So this dumb bitch didn't even care enough to get her ass off the couch and save my little boy. Rion said he went up there to yell at her, but it didn't seem to matter to her ... I am glad I wasn't there... I would have probably done a lot more than yell. I can't stand tweakers. GAWD!! I am totally livid about this whole thing.

I told Rion he needed to call the cops and file a report. I think he's still on probation for the last time he hit my son, and I told him he needed to cover his ass and call in the report so that *I* didn't have to deal with CPS when the school called them tomorrow cuz my son is all beat up. I am the custodial parent, and I didn't feel like being accused (yet again) for child abuse. The last time this happened, even though Rion had admitted it to the CPS worker, and the Cops, and me, they still investigated BOTH PARTIES, to make sure that *I* wasn't abusing Ian as well. It made me sick to my stomach. The marks he left on Ian's face were there for EIGHT DAYS. It makes me ill to even THINK that someone thinks I might be capable of doing that to my kids. I know it's just their job, but really... I don't ever wanna go thru that again.

I just can't wait til Ian gets home from school tomorrow... cuz I can't wait to hug him.

Riding The Couch...

Last night I was going to the bathroom, and all of the sudden I heard a loud "thump" on the wall in the room next to me. (it's directly beside our bed). Directly after the thump, Lexie starts WAILING!!

I ran into the bedroom, and Lexie is on our bed screaming bloody murder, and the first thing outta my mouth was:

What did you do to her?

My DH FLIES Off the handle... "All I did was take my pillow from her. There was another one underneath it, I didn't think it would be a problem..."

I didn't even say anything at all after that, and he freaks out on me and makes it sound like *I* am the bad guy (note: I wasn't even IN the bedroom when she started crying) and that I always accuse him of hurting them when really he didn't do anything (another note: my kids are wankers most times, and they cry on the drop of a hat if it means that their sisters or brother--or even sometimes my DH-- might get in trouble for it)....

So, all in about 35 seconds tim, he's decided he's sleeping on the couch. He grabbed his precious fan (good riddance- the thing makes me cold and sick), his blanket and pillow, and he went in the living room.

I didn't even do anything.

Lexie was still crying, so I scooped her up and held her. I tried to coax him back to the bedroom, but that just wasn't happening... so I cuddled with Boo instead.

So much for our "third of the month."

I just feel like he's wasting time. Any other day he woulda been happy to sleep with me. But on a night that it's important... he's sleeping on the couch.

Whatever.

Happy Bday Dangers Doodles

A little over a year ago I would have laughed at the notion of opening up my own members area. I barely knew HTML... I didn't really draw my own graphics, just used other people's outlines. But thanks to my girlies (you know who you are) who kept telling me to shut up about my stuff not being good enough, and who gave me the confidence to believe in myself... I am here now. My members area is a year old today. I can't believe it.

When I opened up I told my DH that all I wanted to do was cover the cable bill each month. I would be happy with that. Little did I know how big my site would grow, and how many ways I would branch off. I love pixelling. Who'da thunk it?

oh yeah, here's a pic I promised. Don't mind my shiny face.... someone took off with my pressed powder. I will give ya four guesses, and they are all under 5 ft. tall. Turkeys.



It's cold and there's snow on the ground now. I am going to my warm waterbed to put my colder than cold feet all over my DH who will be toasty warm. I am sure he will love that HA HA HA!!

One of Those Days...

Ever had one of those days when ya wished ya didn't wake up?

Well, I had one of those today, except I am kinda glad I woke up cuz I was having this weird dream that my DH was getting framed for murdering this guy even though we saw this other chick do it... just cuz my DH has facial piercings, and moderately long hair... but anyway...

I guess a more accurate statement was "I wish I wouldn't have went to the computer"

Gawd, I tell ya. I mean, I know... get 500 women together, and yer bound to have drama. But today it was everywhere I turned. Sometimes it makes ya wish you had a bitchslap key on your keyboard... so you can really tell people what's up.

*sigh*

Anyway, I got to see Crusty today. FINALLY. I am glad he came in town. He's a great guy, and it's nice to hang out with him. I am too tired to PSP and crop pics tonight, so maybe I will post a pic of us tomorrow.

He didn't hit town until 10:30pm, and we didn't get out until after 11pm... but it was a good time. Cheap crappy food. And the Fuzzy Navel they brought me at the bar WAS PINK. But it was nice company. We have only got to see each other in person twice.... it's nice to hear the voice behind the keyboard.

I think if all of these drama hounding snots who can't mind their own business might actually hear the voice behind the keyboard every now and again it might actually stop a lot of the incessant drama in the CGC. But, then again...... maybe not.

I got this in my inbox tonight. Was an order from Manda at SKOM. Gawd I wish I had like an ounce of her talent. This is why I wanted to pixel. When I grow up I wanna be Manda LOL!! If you haven't already been to her site GO!! NOW!! Cuz she rocks!! */end spam*

Hugs to you all,

Brass Monkey, That Funky Monkey

So maybe it wasn't a Monkey, it was an Orangutan, and Maybe it wasn't Brass, it was Bronze, but it was still cute :) LOL!!

OMG I have been SWAMPED!!! I have been working with Doodles on a raffle for MY FIRST BDAY there and with Daydreams for some new stuff, and I am also opening another site up. I switched my hosting over to my sissie, Bug's Hosting... she is absolutely incredible... and I think she's probably one of my best friends LOL!! *waves at Buggie* She asked her to partner up with her at TLCWS... and I told her I would ;) So... not only am I gonna open up this other site LOL!! But I am gonna try to work with TLCWS as well LOL!! Naw... I am not a glutton for punishment, I like it when I don't get any sleep LOL!!

Well, between all that stuff, I actually found time to go to the zoo again. It's a long drive there, but I felt so bad for Maddie not being able to go last time that I talked my DH into taking us one more time before it got too cold. I can't believe it's the middle of November and yet we still haven't had a bunch of snow. I am not complaining, but it just seems really weird.

Anyway, Today we went to the zoo and actually checked out a bunch of stuff we NEVER EVER get to see... and actually saw parts of the zoo I didn't even know were there. Like this amazing garden (I would love to see it when it's in full bloom with all of the birds out there-- they have cockatoos running round in there when it's warm). Inside this garden were all of these wonderful brass sculpted animals. The kids had a blast climbing up on them and posing for some incredibly cute pics. Here's a couple:

THIS IS MY FAVORITE ONE







and this is another one, on the way to the garden... just off in it's own little corner of the zoo :) Fun little Hippo for the kids to pose on. I can't believe I got this immensely lucky and all those little monkeys smiled for me all at the same time in the same place :)



Anyway, not only did they site for some ultra cute pics... but we got to see some animals we had no idea ever existed. For example-- The Cassowary:



And also, we got to see a ton of BIG CATS ;) I think the guy said they are temporarily housing 10 Big Cats from the New Orleans Zoo (Displaced due to Katrina)



And we all know... I love to tweak pics and make them purdy. So here's a before and after of this super cute tiger kitten we had here. I dunno if this is one of the displaced kitties (I think it is), but damn, he's cute none the less:





I can't believe I just learned how to do that tonight... but I am totally digging that new tool LOL!! It's funny how you have a program for years, and you still learn new things all of the time. I probably woulda figured that out sooner had I actually been pokin around ;) I might write another tut on them. Erika said I should write a bunch of tuts on making pics pretty LOL!! I might have to take her advice LOL!!

This was at the end of the zoo. One of my fav pics of the whole day

MY PRIDE ON THEIR PRIDE

Seems we visited all of the non-living animals at the zoo today. Doesn't matter though, the kids had a blast.