My kids will never be ugly step children
When I was growing up it was painstakingly obvious who my mom's favorite was. I was 15 mos older than my sister, but for some reason... her curfew was later, she was allowed to do more things, and she stayed up later than I did... and that's just a small glimpse into my childhood. When I was 15 years old, I still had to be inside by the time the streetlights came on. My sister was allowed to come home at 10pm. In a way, I guess I should be glad my mom was like that. It made me a stronger person, and it also kept the reigns tight, so I never experimented with drugs or alcohol like my sister did. After all... people in high school aren't out drinking before the sun sets. Especially out in the country. They wait for it to get dark and then set massive bon fires out in abandoned fields, and party out in the darkness.
Anyway... my point is, when I was growing up, I remember thinking how unfair it was that my sister got to do everything, and I got nothing. I have made my own money since I was 14, and my sister never had to have a job until she moved out. She was a drill leader, costing my mom $300 for her costume... but if I wanted to do anything, I was informed I better pick up extra hours from work... because my mom would not be shelling out for anything I wanted. I remember feeling afraid to even ask for money to join something in school, cuz I knew I would get a lecture about how we were poor and how dare I even think about asking... muchless to actually have the nerve to do so... it didn't matter that my sister just got $300 for a band uniform or not. She even made me pay for my own hygeine products, but would pay for my sister to have Pantene, and all of the other frilly stuff. Her excuse for not paying for my shampoo and conditioner? My sister's hair was shorter than mine... so she didn't use as much as I did. Whatever.
And now I have my own children. Four beautiful (but sometimes trying) children. I bust my ass to make sure everything is fair, and "even" between them... even down to cutting muffins in half so one can't say to the other that he or she got the bigger half. I remember how it was to get the short end of the stick time and time again. So I try damned hard not to be like that for my children. But my husband has other ideas.
He thinks children don't belong in the living room. He was raised that the living room was not a place for children. I wasn't raised like that... in fact, the living room was basically my sister's and mine, and we did with it what we wanted. My mom and dad entertained company downstairs in the pool room. And the living room was for our friends (for which I never dared to bring home, because they were always too old, the wrong color, or my mom always had something else she hated about them). But this is basically the exact opposite with my DH.
Anyway, when I say "children" don't belong... I mean to say the ones he didn't help create. MY children to him consist of the ones I came into this relationship with... not the one I have given birth to since then. He thinks since I already have three... why do I need to care about another one... and she's easily disposable, and it won't matter to me if she isn't around. What are you supposed to say to something like that? It's like he's trying to say that my mom was right. Like I shouldn't matter... and my youngest child deserves all of the finest and the best, but the other children deserve porridge and rags. I am absolutely going crazy over this.
I mean, I know... I have no idea how it is to take care of three kids 24/7 that are not your flesh and blood. I don't even pretend to understand. And I know he makes damn sure that Lexie doesn't get left out of everything... and left in the dust. But in his eagerness to make sure she has everything she wants, he just totally brushes my other kids to the side.
Even his family has said something to me that he's so harsh with the kids. They will run up to him to give him hugs, and the first thing outta his mouth is "get the hell off of me" as he brushes them off his leg like lint. I mean, I understand being stressed out in family situations when you are visiting someone else's house, but stuff like that shouldn't happen.
And today, he goes outside to talk on the phone with a friend, and Lexie follows him out there... but then when Maddie and Reagan try to do the same... it's like they run into a brick wall.... and they are even easier to watch outside than Lexie is. So I don't understand. He starts counting to 3 and demands they come inside. They both come inside upset crying about why Lexie gets to play outside but they don't... and why?
I am rambling... I am gonna take a walk with them... I am so pissed off I could spit. I will finish this in a bit.
Anyway... my point is, when I was growing up, I remember thinking how unfair it was that my sister got to do everything, and I got nothing. I have made my own money since I was 14, and my sister never had to have a job until she moved out. She was a drill leader, costing my mom $300 for her costume... but if I wanted to do anything, I was informed I better pick up extra hours from work... because my mom would not be shelling out for anything I wanted. I remember feeling afraid to even ask for money to join something in school, cuz I knew I would get a lecture about how we were poor and how dare I even think about asking... muchless to actually have the nerve to do so... it didn't matter that my sister just got $300 for a band uniform or not. She even made me pay for my own hygeine products, but would pay for my sister to have Pantene, and all of the other frilly stuff. Her excuse for not paying for my shampoo and conditioner? My sister's hair was shorter than mine... so she didn't use as much as I did. Whatever.
And now I have my own children. Four beautiful (but sometimes trying) children. I bust my ass to make sure everything is fair, and "even" between them... even down to cutting muffins in half so one can't say to the other that he or she got the bigger half. I remember how it was to get the short end of the stick time and time again. So I try damned hard not to be like that for my children. But my husband has other ideas.
He thinks children don't belong in the living room. He was raised that the living room was not a place for children. I wasn't raised like that... in fact, the living room was basically my sister's and mine, and we did with it what we wanted. My mom and dad entertained company downstairs in the pool room. And the living room was for our friends (for which I never dared to bring home, because they were always too old, the wrong color, or my mom always had something else she hated about them). But this is basically the exact opposite with my DH.
Anyway, when I say "children" don't belong... I mean to say the ones he didn't help create. MY children to him consist of the ones I came into this relationship with... not the one I have given birth to since then. He thinks since I already have three... why do I need to care about another one... and she's easily disposable, and it won't matter to me if she isn't around. What are you supposed to say to something like that? It's like he's trying to say that my mom was right. Like I shouldn't matter... and my youngest child deserves all of the finest and the best, but the other children deserve porridge and rags. I am absolutely going crazy over this.
I mean, I know... I have no idea how it is to take care of three kids 24/7 that are not your flesh and blood. I don't even pretend to understand. And I know he makes damn sure that Lexie doesn't get left out of everything... and left in the dust. But in his eagerness to make sure she has everything she wants, he just totally brushes my other kids to the side.
Even his family has said something to me that he's so harsh with the kids. They will run up to him to give him hugs, and the first thing outta his mouth is "get the hell off of me" as he brushes them off his leg like lint. I mean, I understand being stressed out in family situations when you are visiting someone else's house, but stuff like that shouldn't happen.
And today, he goes outside to talk on the phone with a friend, and Lexie follows him out there... but then when Maddie and Reagan try to do the same... it's like they run into a brick wall.... and they are even easier to watch outside than Lexie is. So I don't understand. He starts counting to 3 and demands they come inside. They both come inside upset crying about why Lexie gets to play outside but they don't... and why?
I am rambling... I am gonna take a walk with them... I am so pissed off I could spit. I will finish this in a bit.
posted by Danger @ 3:14 PM
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